We’re reporting to you from an alternate reality wherein Coronavirus never happened and Everton actually built their Bramley-Moore Dock Stadium. We can tell you that the stadium is very underwhelming; the only ale they serve is bitter, they still have wooden seats and they re-appointed David Moyes over Carlo Fantastico. In the first Merseyside Derby at the new stadium, Liverpool battered their local rivals 6-0.
Tom Davies should have known it was going to be a bad day when a wheel came off his skateboard on the way to the game.
The Everton midfielder was sent off after two minutes for a dangerous tackle on Andy Robertson after the Scottish full back nutmegged him twice in quick succession.
Moments later the scoring started when Mo Salah ghosted past Yerry Mina and skipped around Jordan Pickford, making it 1-0 to the visitors inside three minutes.
With Jürgen Klopp’s side smelling blood, on seven minutes Trent Alexander-Arnold fired a long pass over the home defence, with Divock Origi looping a volley over the helpless tyrannosaurus arms of Jordan Pickford.
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Origi, starting the game as Roberto Firmino searched for a phone charger, added his second just before halftime after an impressive period of possession which saw Liverpool keep the ball in the Everton half for 35 minutes.
With the game surely won there were two changes made at halftime: Curtis Jones was brought on for Gini Wijnaldum, and Takumi Minamino replaced Sadio Mane.
The misery was piled on immediately when Curtis Jones received the ball from kick off and played a series of simple one-twos with Takumi Minamino, slicing through the Everton midfield and defence. The Scouser sat the keeper down with a fake shot before dinking the ball over the helpless shot stopper.
Jones’ second came when he clearly got bored with running circles around Andre Gomes, the teenager fired a speculative effort at the Everton net and saw his effort slip through the waiting hands of Pickford.
The Scouser was unfortunately denied a hattrick, the final goal of the game came when Richarlison got confused at a Liverpool corner and overhead kicked the ball into his own net before celebrating in front of a confused Everton faithful.
The Reds now just need one more win to secure the title.